Eyes of a Starbeam
by thegirlwithaguyupherbum
Summary: Please review!
1. Heart burn

Ok something slightly different from my last story, this one is a bit more romantic, thanks to my inspiration: Beneath the Hate, the person who wrote that was a genius. PLEASE review and tell me if you want to know what happens next. By the way the character, Julia Sullivan is all my own thought, don't blame JKR. Disclaimer, this is sad stuff.  
  
"What's the point?" she thought, he never notices me. He comes in and I want to talk with him I want to ask him so many things, but to him I'm just a student, I'm just silly old Julia Sullivan, the girl with the dreamy eyes, and the long dark hair, who hardly ever gets any questions right. I don't know practical, I couldn't do an essay to save my life, and I wouldn't know a Dark Arts spell if it fell onto my nose, so I get a couple of disappointed looks and a detention scroll every single time.  
  
She conjured up a goblet of hot chocolate from thin air and drank it slowly, savouring its warmth. "Is it me?" She asked herself for the umpteenth time, am I so disgustingly ugly that no one will look at me? Let alone love me? The tears squeezed out of her eyes and trickled down her cheeks, her cat came closer and snuggled up to her, "You love me Darkstar don't you?" Darkstar purred in reply, she cuddled him and dried her tears on his fur, "I love you too."  
  
The morning bell shattered the silence, "Oh shit!" Julia sprang from the bed and jumped into the shower, scrubbing herself with her bath puff she lathered herself with soap then rinsed and dried herself. Dragging on her clothes she checked her bag for the necessary books, combed back her wet rat-tailed hair with a grip and rushed down the stairs like a whirlwind. She entered the Great Hall, the sky was a gloomy grey and pale clouds scuttled across its surface, she found the empty place where she always sat, about five miles from anyone else, no one else wanted to sit here, "Oh well," she thought, "Another day."  
  
"Miss Sullivan! Miss Sullivan!" She jerked out of her doze to face a livid Professor Snape, "Miss Sullivan, if you would be kind enough to stay conscious during my lesson then maybe you wouldn't have a double detention right now!" "I'm so sorry Professor Snape, I just, I just…" the tears turned into a waterfall down her thin cheeks, "There, there," said Snape uncomfortably, "There's no need to cry." "Just start your potion and get on with your work." She added the necessary ingredients to the potion they were doing today- a fortune telling potion and stirred it quickly over the slow flame. "Now, to test it out," she heard Snape say, "Take one of your eyelashes, drop it into the potion, leave for 5 to 10 seconds then look deep into your potions depths, it will tell you what will happen in the next week," he paused with a snakish smile, "If, you have done it properly." Julia dropped one of her dark brown eyelashes into the simmering cauldron as told, then stared into her cauldron with shocked amazement, for there in the middle of a cauldron a heart had appeared, first white, but quickly changing colour to a glorious scarlet it rose out of the cauldron and exploded into a million bluebirds before the potion classes eyes. "Well," said Snape, choosing his words with care, "I see Miss Sullivan that next week will be exciting for you!"  
  
As she lay in bed that night, Julia thought how peculiar it was that a love sign had come out of her cauldron, and not Magda Piony's or Peatry Birshank's-the playgirls of her class. "What could happen to me this week, for, she had the feeling that Snape hadn't told her everything the heart foresaw.  
  
Early in the morning Julia slipped down stairs to the staff room and tentatively knocked on the door, Professor Snape came to the door, "Yes, Julia, what can I do for you?" "Well," she said, not quite knowing what to say, "Last lesson, I had the feeling that there was something about my prediction that you didn't tell me, was there?" "Well," said Snape embarrassed by the turn of events, "That sign appears only when," he tugged at his collar, "Never mind, you know they're not entirely trustworthy those truth potions," he paused, a look of concern crossed his face, "Don't do anything you'll regret, ok?" "Yes Professor." "And don't be late for my lesson." "No Professor," Julia sighed, it was going to be a strange week. 


	2. Angel lips

A different point of view this time. Again PLEASE review. This one is MATURE CONTENT! Heh, heh, heh! (That was for you Florence aka Arch Artist/writer) By the way, the sign- "*****" means flashback. Read on my magnificent fans.  
  
1 "Uuuurrr, God I feel like a piece of shit." He smiled as he remembered the night before; he'd knew he'd drunk far too much alcoholic pumpkin juice. He got into the shower and let the warm spray run down his back. The bell rang; he shoved on his robes and did a quick shaving charm on his face. He wandered nonchalantly down the stairs, and relived last night.  
  
2 "*****"  
  
3 "More wine Serena?" asked Anthony at the posh restaurant he had invited her for a date. "Yes please Tony, you should see me legless," Serena giggled slightly, "I can say go fuck yourself in Chinese when I get really drunk!" Anthony squeezed her knee under the table and laughed even louder than she did. "Now that's a sight I'd like to see, now, what happens to you when you get really silly?" Serena leaned forwards, and said in velvety tones, "Why don't you find out."  
  
4 "*****"  
  
5 Lupin smiled at the memory, he felt his cheeks flush, he was normally so bashful about such things, and he blushed even more when he thought of what happened next.  
  
6 With Serena it was like, it was like, he sighed and let a seraphic smile spread over his well cut countenance, with Serena it was like making love to an angel.  
  
7 "Professor Lupin!" "Professor Lupin!" Speak of the devil he thought. Serena came up to him, "Is my detention today?" She asked coyly, "For a moment he didn't understand, then he got it, "Oh, of course, your detention… yes… um… see you there then!" He smiled and blushed, then turned away, but suddenly turned back again, "It'll be in my o-o-office." He stuttered, "Can't wait," Serena smiled again, it was their little private joke- other students always said "Can't wait" sarcastically, but she always meant it. Lupin reached the staff room, seriously troubled by his dream last night. He was standing on a rock, at the top of a steep hill, looking down on the landscape nearby; a raven flew to his finger, but this died and fell to the ground, then a wren flew to his finger, and this stayed. What could it mean?  
  
8  
  
9 "Hiya Anthony!" "Welcome back to reality, you know the place where me and the other teachers live!" Lupin turned, and his shyness vanished in an instance in the face of Zahara Folechi, (the Charms teacher, Flitwick had left two years ago). "Oh go fuck yourself Zahara!" "Oh, someone obviously had some sex last night!" "I don't know what you mean!" "Oh really?" Returned Zahara, "Then how come your ties back to front hmm?" "I know you better than you know yourself, you're such a poser, you never leave your quarters like that!" "Lupin blushed and straitened his tie. "Who is it then?" "Some girl, you wouldn't know her, "He mumbled. "Well of course it's a fucking girl, you stupid twallop!" Zahara was always at her height of boisterousness during the first part of the morning, "I mean," She said lowering her voice to a easily distinguishable whisper, "Is it a student?" "Yes," Muttered Lupin, painfully aware that the entire staff room was hanging onto his every word. Thank God Dumbledore isn't here, he thought. 


	3. Cold fingers

Next chapter, Wow! I LOVE this story!!!!! Favourite fan of the year has to be, (so far)… da, da, da, daaa, da, daaaa, daaaaaaaaa…. Beth!!!!! Disclaimer etc. God, I get sick of writing that over, and over, and over, and over, (I feel dizzy now!) Ok I'm starting to burble, better start the story. By the way we're are back in Julia Sullivan's mind now. Enjoy!!!!  
  
Julia wandered down to the great hall, the sky was more cheerful than it had been the previous day, only fine cirrus clouds were suspended in it, and it was the deep blue of thrush eggs. She sat down at her usual place, and looked up at the staff table. There he was, that kind, sensitive, beautiful man, how could he not see how much she admired him, adored him? It was all she could do not to run up there and kiss him. But she controlled herself, it could wait.  
  
Later that day she went down to Charms, Professor Folechi looked more subdued today, as if someone had a secret she didn't know about. What's up with her? Julia thought.  
  
Lunch, then double potions seemed to fly by, but Snape continued to look at her, rather strangely, as if she was about to die or something. Oh well, she thought, his girlfriend probably dumped him, then she practically wet herself laughing at what she'd just thought- Snape, a girlfriend!  
  
Snape was upon her in 5 seconds flat, "Detention Sullivan, with me, tonight, for interrupting my lesson," but he paused and seemed to remember something; Julia hoped it was that he'd forgotten to take his medication that day and was going to die in three minutes, but unfortunately for Julia it wasn't that, "I have to see my girlfri… ehhrm mother tonight, so you will take your detention with Professor Lupin, I'll send him a note." Then the bell rang, "Class is dismissed!" Snape barked, and Julia fled, delighted for the first time after getting a detention from Snape, finally, an excuse to talk to Lupin on her own.  
  
The dormitory was almost completely empty when she got back from Hogsmeade- She'd been getting some new robes- elegant ones. "Now which one's for tonight?" She pondered, "Black or red?" "I think I'll go with the… black, yes the black it is." The black robe was very pretty, an icy black tunic with silver trimming, and glacier blue embroidery, tucked neatly into the waist, it flowed downwards like a dark waterfall, giving the impression that your legs went on for ever. Julia applied a little make up, mascara and a blue eye shadow to match her dress, a touch of lipstick and… voila!  
  
She swept down the grand staircase like an elegant whirlwind, her tight little slippers moving so fast they seemed to float above each stair without actually touching it. She reached Lupin's study, knocked then flung open the door.  
  
Her eyes filled with tears at what she saw, her mouth opened in a scream she could never utter, then her legs gave way beneath her and she lost consciousness. 


	4. Burning feet

Ok, firstly, thanks to EVERYONE who gave me such informative and kind reviews, they were greatly appreciated. But the person who wrote the review: Polly, I know who YOU are!!!!!!!! Disclaimer. Last chapter I left you on a bit of a cliffhanger, so let's find out just what she saw…  
  
God, thought Lupin, WHAT a day! That dream's been on my mind every second of it. He closed the door of his study/bedroom and changed. He walked nonchalantly to his office, giving the impression that he had all the time in the world, but in reality, he was checking his watch every 2 milliseconds. He practised his words inside his head, "Serena, you look…gorgeous? Exquisite? Fantastic? Amazing? Inspiring? He opened the door to his office and closed it behind him before turning around. There lay Serena in the sort of outfit you could only find in Soho, Anthony clutched his thigh with one hand to control himself, she reached up and pulled him into a passionate kiss, "Serena you look…" Then they collapsed on the floor of his office, kissing and caressing each other, they flung their clothes off and positioned themselves, but at the fatal moment, the door of the office swung open and the startled face of Julia Sullivan appeared. She seemed to try to speak, but no sound came from her lips, then her eyes rolled into her head and she fainted.  
  
"Oh fuck!" Lupin was scared beyond belief, what if the girl had died? He turned to Serena, pleading with his eyes that she'd understand, "Who the heck IS this girl Anthony?" "Errm… just one of my students Serena, it's not what you think!" "I was one of your students wasn't I Tony?" Her eyes narrowed with suspicion, which was confirmed when Lupin, (correctly) denied the charge. "Fuck you Tony! Fuck you to hell! To think I ever thought of shagging you!" She broke off weeping. "Serena!" "Stay away from me Tony, don't touch me, 'cause I now know you touch someone else the same way!" Serena screamed the last few words, then, with a deft flick of her wrist put on her school clothes using her wand, she left the office, banging the door behind her.  
  
Lupin turned his attention away from his grumpy girlfriend and towards Julia who was still unconscious. He whipped his wand out of his robes, (thrown against the wall of his office in a fit of passion), and decided that if Julia was going to wake up, he'd rather she didn't see him naked again, he shoved on his robes, and pointed his wand at Julia, "Enervate!" He cried, desperate it would work; Julia opened her eyes, "Oh my God!" "Professor Lupin! I saw you," she struggled to find polite words to describe what she'd seen, in the end, Lupin found them for her, "Yes, I was shagging a girl!" "Sorry you had to see that!" "Why were you here by the way? I didn't give you a detention." "No, Professor Snape did." She paused hoping this would ring a bell with him, "You know, he sent you a note?" "Ah yes," Lupin's face cleared of doubt, "Of course, I completely forgot about that." Julia looked both shocked and upset, I don't blame her thought Lupin. "I have to go now," Julia spoke quickly, she wanted to get of there as soon as possible, but her throat had a lump in it, and her voice broke at the end of the sentence; Lupin noticed that easy tears were already coming to her eyes and he reached out his hand and placed it on hers. A burst of electricity ran up Julia's arm, and some how quite by accident, her tear stained face lifted up of it's own accord, and her mouth was on his. Lupin felt afterwards that he should have been surprised or shocked at this, after all: She wasn't his girlfriend, he barely knew her, and they'd never kissed each other before in their lives; but at the time it felt like the most natural thing in the world. For Julia, it was like music had stopped up her hearing, her eyes were closed in ecstasy and her heart felt like a fierce wave had risen up inside her and was crashing against her bones and chest. She was trembling all over, as was he, the kiss lasted for only a few seconds, and then Lupin turned his head towards her and said, "Where did you learn to kiss like that?" 


	5. Red Wrists

Ok people, time for chapter five. Me thinks I'll do a really: moving, sensitive style. Keep on reviewing! Enjoy! Disclaimer, try not to worsen my cold. By the way we're back in old Lupin's brain.  
  
Lupin sat at his desk, it was 11.00pm at night, slowly and carefully in a flowing hand he wrote a letter to his Dad,  
  
Dear Remus,  
  
How's Mom? Still got that rheumatic pain around her legs? If so I hope it disappears soon. School's going moderately well,  
  
I'm marking my OWL level papers at the moment, (snore and a half)! Dumbledore's caught the flu recently, so we all taking it in turns to do his shifts. I hope you are well and happy in Madagascar, I hear it's beautiful in the spring there, plenty of lemurs around. I'll write to you again soon.  
  
Love  
  
Anthony Finn Ian Lupin  
  
That was ok, thought Lupin, I can't tell him about Serena or Julia even if he has had experience in those matters. But it would be so good to get it all off my chest. Lupin sighed, what to do about Julia?  
  
The door swung open, it was Zahara Folechi, "Note for you Anthony," she said briskly and handed him a small tightly folded slip of silver paper, and then left his study.  
  
Lupin inspected it, then made his way to the office. Serena was already there, she paused, and it had been hard the last few weeks to not talk without blushing to him, but finally she had worked up enough courage to send him the note, which invited them to talk; she spoke first, "I wanted you to be the first to know…" She paused and took something out of her bag; she held it up to the light- a pregnancy test, positive. Lupin felt faint, "Are you sure?" He asked in a horse whisper, "Positive," Serena replied, struggling with tears; this was the part she'd been dreading, "And I don't know who's it is." Lupin felt sick, of course, he thought, what a total fuckwit I've been to not suspect it, he spoke again, "How dare you," he paused, "You know who's it is, don't you?" He accused her, She lowered her eyes, "Yes," She mumbled, "Its Snape's." Lupin's soft grey eyes filled with tears,"Goodbye." He said, and kissed her one last time.  
  
Julia had been walking towards the office at this very moment, she opened the door, and saw them, kissing, she silently shut it. He's gone back together with her, she thought. The tears did not come this time; it was too deep a wound for that. She went to his room, (she had her own key), and ran a bath until it was full to the brim, then, she slowly cut her wrists with his razor. As the bath turned red with her blood, one thought ran through her mind, "Why…" 


End file.
